My flight has been booked for a few weeks now, but chances are I may not be on it, thanks to some silly error on the part of the lawyers. But at some point while wringing my hands in frustration, I have come to look upon the situation with an almost zen-like calm. It was almost comical yesterday, when I told a friend I may not be able to make it back to Chi town in time, he spewed forth expletives online on my behalf. All the funnier because he’s a normally placid guy, not given to histrionics. I was the one shrugging my shoulders and laughing it off (we’ll see if I’m still laughing tomorrow though, if I don’t hear back from the lawyers, because that would mean certain flight delay).
I guess part of it is due to the growing realization of how hard it will be for me to move yet again. Starting a new life in a different (albeit familiar) place is always an adventure – exciting new opportunities, new friends to be made, new routines and experiences. I look forward to that of course, and to buying a new car, and hopefully an apartment to call my own (wine cellar and bouldering room!).
But I am grateful. Grateful that I will find it hard to leave, just as I was grateful when I had to leave Chicago. After all, the alternative is that I find it so easy to just drop everything and take off, because I have nothing here that I want to hold on to.
Maybe one has to leave home in order to see it for what it is.